Feedback Sheets

This semester I enrolled in a class called Dynamics of Interpersonal Relationships.  Basically, the goal of the class is to enhance our communication and listening skills, and also to understand the intricacies of personal relationships.  It's a really interesting class - each week our professor has us complete different exercises that help us practice different social skills.  For example, the first class (and in most classes) we sat in desks arranged in a circle, and we were told to remain silent and make eye contact with every member of the class.  This was before any of us had been introduced and it was definitely awkward.  The second class we had to choose a partner and interview them to find out 3 interesting facts about them.  Each week for homework we are supposed to write in our journals about the exercises and how we can apply the skills to every day life, and we are also supposed to take notes on every member of the class.  The entire semester built up to our class last Thursday, where we had to write a "feedback" sheet for each member of the class.  So I wrote 19 feedback sheets, and received 19 feedback sheets about myself.  These sheets are supposed to give feedback about our experiences with each other, and they also can contain constructive criticism.  I was obviously pretty anxious to receive my sheets, and even worse we had to sit in a circle and tell the class what the sheets stated, and choose a few which stood out and publicly address the authors of those standout sheets to discuss what they wrote.

So.. I figured it could be interesting for my readers to get some of the highlights from my sheets.  I honestly felt pretty badly because I did mine last minute, and I wasn't nearly as thoughtful as many of the people who wrote to me.  So - to anyone from class reading my blog, I sincerely enjoyed getting to know each of you, and I don't want you to feel that I am less invested in creating relationships with my classmates than the rest of the class is.

1.      If you could be liquid, I'd say that you are a serene pond thawing in the first weeks of Spring.  You are pleasant and kind, but cool - so calm that I felt somewhat chilly.  I noticed how you keep your body close to yourself, which makes me think that you prefer not to take up a lot of space.  This mousy, self-contained demeanor made me think that you don't easily trust your environment.  Your style is deliciously simple, retro, and carefully put together.  To me, that communicates not only patience, but also a reverence for minimalism...On the first day of class I got a mildly elitist feeling from you arising from your unruffled feathers.  I felt as if you saw yourself as more advanced than others.  You are rather soft-spoken and exude peace, but at the same time I sense a slight hint of pretension.

This was a seriously insightful feedback sheet - and very perceptive.  I am still in awe of how much people notice about me, that I keep my body close, and the fact that he was able to interpret it in a way that I've never even considered - yet he's hit the nail on the head.  I do revere minimalism, especially in clothing - classic style without too many accessories.  I can definitely be pretentious, which is one of the reasons I took this class, I'd like to adopt the positive social skills of others to help people feel more comfortable around me.  I can be short, and snarky - and I'd like to be warmer and more inviting.  I've tried to be more comfortable touching people in conversation, and I've made a serious effort to make eye contact during casual encounters.  I realized that most of the time I'd buy something at a store and never look up to even see what the check out clerk looks like.  Now I look everyone straight in the eye and smile when I say thank you or have a nice day, and I can feel that it makes them feel actually appreciated, instead of superficially appreciated.

One girl, who I literally had not said a word to the entire semester wrote a long, and well thought out feedback sheet for me.  It was so sweet and I was really touched by it.  She's a really pretty girl with a great body, and at one point in the semester she revealed that she has social anxiety and feel like people are always talking bad about her.  I thought it was so brave of her to admit that, and it's something that I and I'm sure many other people relate to greatly.  The first day of class, without speaking to anyone, we had to write in our journals 3 people we would choose to work with, and 3 people we would not choose to work with.  This girl revealed in her feedback sheet that upon first judgement she would not choose to work with me because she thought I was "just another girl who looked like a model and has very little personality"  she went on to write "however, my opinion of you is now the total opposite...I realized you have a very admirable personality...you seem very conservative, but in a matured elegant kind of way."   At the end of the sheet she concluded that after having gotten to know me, she would change her mind and add me to her list of people she'd like to work with.

Now, the reason I am writing this post is not because I want to share with all of you how awesome everyone thinks I am.  My hope is that to those who experience social anxiety about interacting with others and feel self conscious about their looks will realize that if they are friendly, and present in the moment even in small interactions, they really have no cause for worry.  When it comes down to it, people will judge you on their experience with you, and not on how you feel about yourself.  I think that if we can all accept that kindness is the most important thing, it will alleviate anxiety about things that in the big picture seem irrelevant, like appearance.  It seems silly in retrospect that I was so anxious about receiving these sheets because I had great interactions withall my classmates, and I really didn't give them a reason not to like me.  I'll definitely take this experience going forward, and use it to help me stop worrying about whether people like me or not.